


Roll for Initiative

by ZaliaChimera



Category: Zombies Run!
Genre: AO3 1 Million, F/F, F/M, Fun, Humor, M/M, Multi, Role-Playing Game, Roleplay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-15
Updated: 2014-02-15
Packaged: 2018-01-12 14:21:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1188435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZaliaChimera/pseuds/ZaliaChimera
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eugene's rescue of Jack the Paladin is sadly interrupted by forces beyond his control.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Roll for Initiative

Jack struggles against the ropes binding his arms and legs, seeking out any sign of weakness in the bonds, but it seems to be a futile attempt. The guards know what they’re doing, apparently, the knots tight and unyielding.

Just when all seems hopeless, the door swings open and an unfamiliar figure stands there, silhouetted in the light of the flaming torches in the hallway outside.

He crosses the room to Jack’s side, kneeling down and pulling out a knife, then proceeds to cut Jack’s bon-

"Wait! You have to roll for that!"

Eugene pauses, sets down his beer, and gives Sam a flat look. “Seriously?”

Sam gives an earnest nod and it’s really entirely unfair that he makes it so difficult to stay mad at him. “Yeah. Check to see if you succeed.”

"It’s rope. I have a knife. What exactly is there to check?"

"They might be enchanted ropes," Sam suggests.

"Oooh, or living rope!" Maxine adds with slightly more enthusiasm than Eugene thinks is necessary. "Remember that one from the expansion pack?" she adds, glancing over at Paula.

Paula gives a sage nod, reaching up to stroke a stray strand of hair back behind her ear. It’s impossible to tell if she’s being serious or not. The woman has an amazing poker face. She could probably claim that her lab was developing a zombie virus and everyone would believe her.

Eugene’s gaze turns back to Sam. “Is it living rope? Or enchanted? Or… I dunno, cursed by a vengeful spirit of someone who… really hated ropes?”

Sam heaves a heavy sigh, the one he uses when Eugene inadvertently breaks one of the inviolable rules of D&D night. The ones that no-one will actually explain to him. “Well, no,” Sam admits grudgingly, “but it _might_ be! You might not succeed!”

"I’m a thief! Surely cutting ropes is part of the job description!"

The table falls silent for a moment, looking uncomfortably at him until…

"You knife might break," Jack says lightly, his expression utterly serious.

Beset on all sides.

Eugene kicks him lightly under the table and Jack pouts. “If a knife breaks cutting _rope_ , there’s something very wrong with the knife.”

"Ah well," Jack says, grinning unrepentantly, "these half goblin merchants, y’know. Just can’t trust them."

"Do you even _want_ to escape, Jack? I’m starting to think that you prefer staying in the dungeon of the undead Necromancer King!”

"I still can’t believe you named the Necromancer King after Paula’s boss, Sam," Maxine interrupts reproachfully.

"I can’t help it," Sam replies. "He’s creepy."

"Sam does have a point, Maxie," Paula says, a small smile on her lips. "And you have to admit, the Professor does make a good villain.

"Well, yeah," Maxine admits. "God, do you remember our engagement party?"

“ _Everyone_ remembers your engagement party, Maxine,” Sam says. “I mean, when he-“

Janine clears her throat, leaning forward from where she’s been flipping through the manuals, doubtless searching for as many character hacks as she can find. “I hate to interrupt,” she says in a tone that clearly says the opposite, “but Sara and Simon will be back soon, and you know how Sara feels about side quests.”

"Hey!" Jack protests and couldn’t he have been that put out when discussing Eugene having to roll to cut a goddam rope? "My exciting rescue from the clutches of an undead fiend by a daring and, may I say, extremely handsome, thief, is not a side quest!”

"You can tell Sara that, then," Janine replies dryly.

Jack blanches. “Well… we’ll be finished by then. Of course we will!”

"Quite."

"Alright," Sam says, dragging them all back to order. "Fine, you manage to cut the rope."

"Finally," Eugene mutters. "Alright so… I grab Jack’s hand, haul him to his feet and-"

"Oi! Is that it?" Jack says. "No momentous words for our first meeting?"

"Oh god." Eugene groans but Jack has that look like Eugene should say something good right now or suffer terrible things. Like only buying instant coffee or something. He heaves a sigh. "Fine. I hold out my hand and say…" Something cool, something romantic… "Come with me if you want to live."

The whole table stares at him for a long moment, and then Jack whoops and throws a chip at him. “You cheesy douche!”

"Yeah yeah, suck it up," Eugene says, although he can’t quite hide a smile, especially when Jack leans over to kiss his cheek lightly. Eugene even magnanimously decides to not comment when he catches Sam rolling his eyes.

"Okay," Sam says pointedly, "you manage to get out of the cell and head to-"

"Hey there!"

"Alright guys?"

The door closes behind Sara and Simon as they enter, and Sam huffs softly at being interrupted again. Eugene would feel more sympathy if he hadn’t interrupted to insist on a bullshit roll. 

Simon gives a cheery wave and sets down a crate of beer then goes to perch on the arm of the armchair that Janine has claimed as her own, giving her a quick peck on the cheek. “How’s it going?” he asks. “Slain a tonne of stuff? Leveled up?” 

How he manages to make it sound so perverted, Eugene will never know.

"Grow up, Simon," Sara says with a snort, returning from the kitchen with a bottle of something clear and eastern European from the writing on the label. All Eugene can really make out is the obscene alcohol percentage. "Ah, infiltrating the necromancer’s lair are we?"

"Backstory," Sam replies, taking a beer when it’s offered. 

"Y’know, I still think you need to have a spy. Someone on the inside." Sara pours herself a generous glass and god, Eugene can smell it from the other side of the table, and then she sits down on Janine’s other side. Eugene’s never sure what is up with those three but it seems to work for them.

Sam looks sceptical. “We’ll see. I mean, I have it kind of planned out and…”

The conversation devolves for a few moment, into more of a discussion of the deeper mechanics of the game than Eugene really cares to know about. Maxine vanishes to get more drinks, Simon gets shoved off the arm of the chair when his hands drift a little too low, and Jack drags his foot up along Eugene’s leg to rest in his lap. 

Eugene gives him a look. Jack just smiles blithely back at him.

Eugene contemplates a beer and decides against it, settling for a glass of whatever Sara is drinking, cut with juice. It burns all the way down, makes his eyes water and he pretends not to notice when Jack starts laughing.

"Okay!" Jack says finally, his foot stilling from where it had been doing very interesting _things_ in Eugene’s laps. “Guys. Can we please get back to the matter at hand? Getting me laid, I mean, getting Jack the pure and noble paladin laid…”

"Isn’t that kind of the point of being a paladin?" Simon asks. "Like, not getting laid."

"Hey! I am a paladin of the Earth Goddess. Sex is a pure and natural expression of her love!"

There’s no response, except for Simon making a noise that might be a cough and might be ‘bullshit’.

“ _Anyway_ ,” Sam says, sound just a little put out. ‘Now you know how I feel’ Eugene mouths over at him, and it just makes Sam scowl more. “Anyway, you manage to get out into the corridor and up the stairs into the courtyard. It’s dark so you can either try to sneak into the Necromancer’s rooms or you can head for the drawbridge.”

"I’m fairly certain that the type of castle you sent me a picture of as reference didn’t actually have a drawbridge," Janine says and Eugene thinks she’s just trying to wind Sam up but… just remind him never to play poker with these guys. "It’s the wrong century. Besides, the rules say that water is…"

"Oh god," Sam groans. "Fine! You head for the massive gate, is that better Janine?"

"I suppose it will do, although the technical ter-“

She trails off, apparently distracted when Sara does something that has her squirm and Eugene is definitely not thinking about where Sara’s hand is. Nope.

"How about we just say we got out?" Eugene says. "It’s backstory after all. Nothing too drastic can happen. Kill a few orcs on the way out, eternal ire of the necromancer king, blah blah. How’s that sound?"

"Well, I suppose…" Sam says.

"Yeah!" Jack says. "And then we find a nice little inn somewhere because my Paladin is super grateful and like I said, sex is a natural and beautiful thing so…"

"Fine," Sam says. "You go off and have hot magical sex somewhere and no, Jack, I really don’t want to read your fic about it."

Eugene bites his lip for a moment, then thinks what the hell. He looks Sam right in the eye. “Do I have to roll for that?”


End file.
